


you're exactly my type

by qvoro



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Video Game)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:22:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27555274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qvoro/pseuds/qvoro
Summary: jin: get yourself a man who will destroy the entire world for youlora (in a spooky ghost voice): NOooOoOOOoo!!!assorted jinmalos stories, for your perusal
Relationships: Metsu | Malos/Shin | Jin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	you're exactly my type

**Author's Note:**

> originally on twitter, slightly edited. these aren't in any particular order and every section split by a long bar is a different au. background morag/brighid and lora/haze. brief mentions of alvis but no xenoblade 1 spoilers

malos, meeting jin for the first time: you're exactly my type and i didn't even have a type until two seconds ago, what the fuck, fight me

* * *

jin: i dont know.. what if he doesnt like me that way?

lora: give me your phone

jin: *hands it over* ?

lora: *makes a dating profile for him*

jin: what--

lora: *throws his phone at malos* YEET

* * *

malos: what's up gamers, today we're going to be playing silent hill 3. this is a single player game so jin will be in control and im just gonna watch

malos: *gazes lovingly at jin and completely ignores the screen and the chat* 🥰

\---

malos: what's up gamers, today it's just me because jin is attending a wedding in hawaii and i don't have something called a "visa" so im stuck here alone

malos: *hugs his jin daki forlornly for three hours on facecam* ;-;

\---

malos: ...before he left we did make a silicone cast of his dick but i can't show you because our channel would get banned and more importantly he's all mine 😌

* * *

[au where jin returned to his core and malos resonated with him]

jin: ..there's no way that will fit

malos: it fit in your past life

jin: will it hurt?

malos: not if we do it right

jin: ...ok, i'll try 😳

jin: *buckles malos's massive titties into his armor* h u h

* * *

malos: *sees himself on a magazine cover captioned "sexiest man alive!"*

malos: ...this should be jin

jin: hm?

malos: *pulls out sword* i have to go

* * *

jin: malos is so big, just massive, enormous titties, the absolute biggest boy, solid as fuck, just--

zeke and rex: take a look at THESE *let wulfric and boreas out of their pokeballs*

* * *

lora, spying on jin and malos's picnic date: if he does _anything_ to hurt jin.. 🔪

amalthus, crouched down in the bush next to her: how dare he turn away from--

lora: if you do _anything_ to disturb them!! 🔪

* * *

the gang as mmo players:

mikhail: bard, plays songs without macros during fights for "moral support" instead of buffing

akhos: crowd control/ranged dps, the only one who watches raid guides, roleplayer

patroka: pvp 99% of the time, leeeeeeeeeerooooooooy otherwise

jin: dodge tank, immediately skins all new armor so he can get his tits out, max cooking skill

malos: attempts to pocket heal for jin, but jin rarely gets hit so he ends up just bludgeoning things with his staff

nia: druid healer who moved to a different guild but jin pesters her to join them in raids because malos tends to let pubbies die, has collected all mounts in the game

dromarch: walks across nia's keyboard during crucial moments

* * *

malos, after using his bullshit god powers to make himself 9 feet tall for funsies: ta da

jin: *goes real quiet*

malos: jin.. something wrong?

jin: ...im just.. saying a prayer for my ass tonight

\---

mythra: ..so who do you pray to if you hate god?

jin: ...his son--[ A VISION! ]

alvis:

* * *

malos, while bringing jin breakfast in bed: who should i kill for you today? 😚🥰😙

\---

mikhail: *walks in to mooch food* god, please get a room

malos: ???????

* * *

mik, after awakening patroka/akhos from their crystals: h-hi... im mikhail, you two are siblings, and this is our dad jin and our other dad malos 🥰

patroka: *looks around* i cant believe everyone in my family is so fuckin gAY

\---

mik, pointing at nia and dromarch: they're our cousins

nia: we're WHAT

jin: im going to give you two presents for christmas and you cannot stop me

* * *

  
  


malos, on his cooking show: now we want to dice these onions *pulls out monado*

* * *

jin and malos have an enormous bed but jin sleeps directly on top of malos's tits so most of the bed is wide open

mikhail: why's your bed so big?

malos: im tall

mikhail: not that tall. or wide

jin: so you kids can sleep in our bed if you get bad dreams

patroka: ha!

akhos: not a chance

mikhail: okay 🥺

* * *

jin: its been a long day so im going to bed early

mikhail: night dad

patroka: *waves without looking up*

akhos: good night

jin: night *faceplants into malos's tits and immediately passes out*

\---

malos panicked the first time jin did that but he's so stacked that jin just stuck there instead of sliding down to the floor

patroka, 15 mins later: ...taking him to bed or are you gonna stand there all night?

malos: ...im just gonna stand here yeah 😳

* * *

[afterlife au]

lora: let me get this straight, so after i died you adopted 3 kids

jin: well kinda..

lora: and murdered my girlfriend

jin: uh

lora: and shacked up with HIM *gestures at malos*

jin: i can explain the first two things

* * *

malos, anxious, sweaty, trying to work up the nerve to confess his feelings: jinireallylikeyoudoyouwannabemyboyfr--

jin: malos. we've been dating for 30 years

malos: ......o

* * *

malos bans the other torna members from the ship kitchen so he can secretly make valentines chocolate for jin (everyone knows what he's doing)

after a lot of failure he has to call pyra for emergency assistance

pyra texts him step by step instructions with photos

malos: are you making chocolate too??

pyra: morag needed help..

* * *

every time malos tries to do one of those "the last three pics on your phone" memes it's 3 nearly identical photos of jin taken a fraction of a second apart

* * *

mythra: *looking at the ridiculous number of paintings malos has commissioned of jin* i thought you liked _fine_ art

malos: this is art and he is fine!

\---

malos, as he's flying off team rocket style: they're ARTISTIC nuuudes!!!

patroka: nice punch

mythra: thanks

* * *

zeke, to malos: what's with that MASSIVE sword, overcompensating for something, are ya?

malos: ??? you also have a--

jin: please don't diminish my accomplishments

zeke: wat

* * *

mythra, meeting patroka and akhos for the first time: ....malos, are those.. did you.. *whisper* bro did you knock up jin _twice_

jin: .... he didn't but he's been trying valiantly

malos howls with laughter

* * *

malos: look what i stole from the kid today, it's called love sou--

jin: thanks im really dehydrated right now *downs it*

malos: ...uh...

jin: ..............?

malos: ...........

nothing happens because theyve been at max affinity for 499 years. on the stats page instead of S+ next to trust it just says S+++++++++++++++++++ and goes off the edge of the screen

* * *

if his sister can split herself in two then malos should also have this power, not for a combat advantage, but to make a jin sandwich, obviously

mikhail: think of all the cool combo moves you can do with yourself!!

malos: *waits for mikhail to be taking a drink* im gonna give your father two kisses at the same time

\---

jin, the night malos first figures out that trick: split yourself

malos: oh? how many do you want?

jin: how many holes do i have

malos.exe has stopped working

* * *

mikhail: im a blade eater

malos: me too

mikhail: what do you mean

malos:

mikhail:

* * *

malos: *brings a $1000 bottle of champagne to jin's apartment for dinner*

jin: how.. did you get this?

malos: stole it from amalthus

jin: that's the sexiest thing ive ever heard *pops cork*

* * *

malos, watching morag/brighid and lora/haze interact at a party: i know being gay isn't a competition but..

mythra: no

malos: im going to win

malos: *stands up*

pyra: no!!

jin smiles at him so malos has to lie down for half an hour, catastrophe averted

* * *

malos goes back to his room one night and finds jin asleep wrapped around a daki of himself. he manages to extract it from jin's grasp and stash it without waking him, but a week later at breakfast....

jin (completely deadpan): ...so why do you have a giant pillow with a naked drawing of me on it?

akhos: *chokes on his rice krispies*

* * *

jin: ive been thinking about this for a while and i met this guy and i really like him so i think that maybe.. im..

mythra: gay. yeah we know

brighid: welcome to the club

jin: ...i was going to say evil, but yes that too

* * *

jin: get yourself a man who will destroy the entire world for you

lora (in a spooky ghost voice): NOooOoOOOoo!!!

* * *

[if business in argentum was conducted in nopon]

jin: jin looking to hire small team of leftherians for tricksy salvage job

nia and malos: *walk in*

jin: ah, these are jin's *suddenly forgetting the nopon word for subordinates* ...daughterpon and... boytoy? meh meh meh

* * *

malos: *bullshit-god-powers lora back to life*

jin: lora.. a lot happened while you were.. i-

lora: i know. i was watching over you the whole time, its okay

jin: the whole time? you saw everything? *glances at malos*

lora: ye-

jin: *encasing himself in ice* oh no oh no.. 😳

lora: ..if it makes you feel any better it was very impressive

jin: im jumping into the cloud sea

* * *

malos: now that my core crystal is whole again i can finally do what we've planned for so long

jin: yes

malos: *uses god powers to give jin a cock*

jin: 🥺 thank you...

jin: now turn around, time to take this for a spin 🙂

\---

pyra: ...congratulations, im happy for you, but if that's all you wanted you could have just asked me!!

jin: oh we want to destroy the world too

pyra: 😐

[later]

morag: ...hey pyra can i talk to you in private for a bit

\---

pyra: sure, what's this about?

[20 minutes later]

morag: *bursts out of room* BRIGHIIIID, look at my new booooobs 🥰

brighid: they are magnificent, lady morag! but they look heavy, let me hold them for you

morag: ..they're not that big?

brighid: i insist *winks, possibly*

\---

[3am]

malos: *putting on shoes*

akhos: going out?

malos: yea

akhos: what for?

malos: ...jin wants to send a dick pic of his new dick but he said there's no point if im right here. want anything from the store?

akhos: toooo much info!!

* * *

concept: after jin loses his driver, he can no longer absorb ether naturally and has to tag along with his former enemy malos to feed on his juicy ether reserves

(ether is stored in the balls)

\---

[after jin gets injured]

malos: jin! dont move, i'll go get nia

jin: no, it's fine, stay here

malos: you need to see a doctor

jin: i need to see Doctor Dick

\---

jin: i want you to come on my face

malos, who doesn't realize jin is doing this for fun: can you absorb it through your skin??

jin: ......maybe? just do it

* * *

[torna gang starting a new ttrpg]

malos: how am i supposed to flirt with jin's pc if he's the dm?

jin: well all the npcs are now mine

malos: ...good point *crumples up character sheet* im making a bard

* * *

[about this [(somewhat nsfw) art](https://twitter.com/qvoro/status/1299495984565817344)]

Jin ( 1 review )

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

i got this crop top hoodie for my boyfriend. basically hes got huge boobs. i mean some serious honkers. a real set of badonkers. packin some dobonhonkeros. massive dohoonkabhankoloos. big old tonhongerekoogers. 5 stars

* * *

mikhail, at breakfast one morning: hey malos

malos: yea?

mihail: are you in love with my dad

malos: *opens and closes his mouth without saying anything for several minutes*

jin: more syrup? 🙂

\---

malos was only nice to mikhail at first cause he wanted into his jin's pants but then realized the two of them could bond over their love of mecha anime

malos: kid, let me show you my VHS collection!!

mikhail: :O

malos: ...i gotta go steal a vhs player, wait here

* * *

akhos: you are our dads

patroka: you're our dads

mikhail: boogie woogie woogie

[camera zooms in on jin and malos looking confused]

* * *

rex: malos, why do you play peach in smash?

akhos: peach is at the top of the meta right now. her fast combos give her incredible dps, plus she has a fantastic aerial set which she can exploit with her float abilities--

patroka: it's because jin plays bowser, idiot

malos: yup

\---

rex - himself

mikhail - bowser jr

akhos - fox

patroka - ganon

pyra - mario

mythra - wario

pneuma - luigi

alvis - shulk

these are 100% canon

* * *

  
  


malos: *lying face down on floor after first day of new job*

pyra: rough first day?

malos: ughghhhhghgghgghh

pyra: what happened?

malos: ...my boss... is too PRETTY

pyra: 👀 what's his name?

malos: ji-- wait how did you know it was a dude

mythra: *snorts*

\---

malos: *showing them pic of jin from company website*

mythra: oh.. ohohohohohoho

malos: what's so funny

mythra: i went to college with this dude

malos: W H A T

\---

[3 months later]

malos: want to.. grab some drinks after work?

jin: thought you'd never ask 🙂

malos: eh?

jin: your sister told me you liked me

malos: ..when was this?

jin: mm few months ago? right after you started

malos: i..w..wha...fuck

jin: i'll see you later then

* * *

[fate series au]

what class would malos be in a fate au? saber? berserker? beast?

NO, the answer is moon cancer, and he would wear bb's nurse outfit

\---

jin, after stealing malos from amalthus: so.. saber, can you tell me your true name?

malos: logos. and im not a saber, but more importantly *puts on latex gloves* it's time for your yearly check up

jin: .....wat

\---

[after winning the grail]

jin: i only joined the war to stop amalthus so.. what is your wish?

malos: can i have a kiss?

jin: ..okay, but you don't need the grail for that 😳 is there something else you want?

malos: TWO kiss

\---

malos: uhh sooo................... when you die i want you to become a dual servant with me so we can fight together forever 👉👈

jin: okay

malos: 😳

* * *

rex: so are you and jin uhhhh

malos: we're married

rex: married?? like, legally? how do you even do that when you're wanted criminals

malos: oh we appealed to a higher power

rex: who?

malos: me

* * *

everyone in alrest is wild for board games but malos can't be bothered to use his god computer brain to win

...until jin suggests a strip variant one night and suddenly malos can see the matrix, he's never tried so hard at anything in his life

* * *

malos: *plucking petals off a flower* he loves me.. he loves me not, he lo--

jin: *cuts off the top of the flower at light speed* i love you, silly

malos: 😳

\--

nia: ...that was dangerous and unnecessarily dramatic

patroka: what's the point of being a villain if you can't be dramatic?

nia: true... wait what????

* * *

mikhail: auntie mythra, aegises have perfect memories right?

mythra: yup

mikhail: *looking at malos* what do you think he's thinking about?

inside malos's god computer brain: *slideshow screensaver of pictures of jin*

mythra: ...probably something stupid

* * *

jin: *sighs in ancient greek*

lora: something wrong?

jin: just.. weird day. i think i'm being worshipped by a god

lora: you mean you're worshipping a god?

jin: no. he keeps giving me presents

* * *

jin: i'll text some people and see who's available

lora: uh huh.. asking your boyfriend first?

jin: he's not my boyfriend. and in my defense, he's at the top of my contacts when its alphabetical

lora: how is M at the top if its alphabetical??

jin: i put heart emojis around his name

* * *

[au where malos returned to his core and was reawakened by jin]

jin: you were always writing in this book in case something happened. it seemed important to you

malos: *flips to random page* "dear diary, it's been 76,409 days since i met jin and 😚💗😌💞😍😘💓💖👉👌😳💜😍💗💕🥰"

\---

later that night..

malos, flipping to a new page in the book: dear diary, it's been 0 days since i met jin and 🥺💕😚💖✨😩😳💗💘😍😙💞😘

**Author's Note:**

> you can find more of my stupid ideas and art on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/qvoro) 😏


End file.
